so this isn't really a missed connection in the traditional "i saw you for a fleeting moment and you are hot" sense...Instead, I believe we had a very real, very deep undeniable connection. And now i miss it. I don't know where else to put these feelings that refuse to dull.
Every moment of every day. I miss you. It is cellular. I miss the me that was here when you were. Of course I don't want you to feel badly, but I seriously cannot fathom that you don't feel as awful as I do. Don't ache like I do. Don't feel hollow like I do. You were once in a lifetime, it is clearer everyday. I never really understood the seemingly overly dramatic emotion that some people express so easily when break ups happen....I do now. I wish you would have valued me enough to talk to me. I think that hurts the most. I ruined this but I fully believe to my toes that you could have said anything to me..that you were married, a felon, a woman...whatever...and I would have at least talked to you. I know I broke your heart, but you broke mine too.
I meant it when I said my life is so much better with you in it. I believed you when you said it to me. I have been trying to date others, to shake myself out of this...but all it does is shine this intense spotlight on what I lost. On what it seems I never really had.
There is no way to properly articulate the empty surrender that comes when you realize things are never going to be as you want them.
- Location: arlington, va
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